80s Essentials – Optional Retro-spections, Volume 5 Haiku

Well, friends, this is it: The final stop on the Last Rites 80s’ metal train. Just thinking about the curtain dropping gets me a little misty-eyed. But as the great Napoleon Bonaparte once said, all good things must come to an end. Or maybe that was Genghis Khan. Or the Hulkster. I think the history books are actually a little fuzzy on that one.

Anyway, regardless of who said what to who and when, we’re down to the final ten under-the-radar 80s gems and their respective haiku. If you missed the first forty, you can catch up right’chere. And if you’re interested in a quick summary of precisely what’s been going on for the last five weeks:

The purpose of this list is pretty simple: A means to assuage an ailing mind and make me feel a little better about some of my favorite metal from the 80s being left off the Last Rites collective list.

So, yes, I’ll be throwing a total of fifty additional 80s’ metal albums under the spotlight that have become very near and dear to my heart over these many years.

Again, many of these releases are available through a few different avenues, so be sure to check themetaldetektor to see who’s still delivering the goods.

• • • • •

Black DeathBlack Death
Released: 1984 on Auburn Records
Location: Cleveland, Ohio, USA
Style: Heavy “We’re not Rick James, Bitch” Metal
Status: Active
R.I.P. Phil Bullard

Sample: “Taken By Force”

~ I don’t wanna hear
A single “black metal” joke
Capeesh, you bastards? ~

 

• • • • •

ZnowhiteAct of God
Released: 1988 on Roadracer Records
Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA
Style: Holy Zhit, You Need Thiz Zpeed Metal
Status: Split-up

Sample: “A Soldier’s Creed”

~ Will I get a tan?
Magic 8-ball says ‘no way’
Guess I’ll just thrash out ~

 

• • • • •

Savage GraceMaster of Disguise
Released: 1985 on Important Records
Location: Los Angeles, California, USA
Style: Melodic Power/Speed Metal that Makes You Really, Really Study that Album Cover
Status: Split up (Check out Masters of Disguise)

Sample: “Lion’s Roar/Bound to Be Free”

~ You’re under arrest
For being fully undressed
And for that hairdo ~

 

• • • • •

SacrilegeBehind the Realms of Madness
Released: 1985 on Children of the Revolution Records
Location: Birmingham, England, UK
Style: Crust/Thrash Metal that Threw Bolts Before Bolt Thrower
Status: Split up

Sample: “At Death’s Door”

~ Lynda “Tam” Simpson
I’ve loved you for twenty years
I know it’s madness ~

 

• • • • •

Cloven HoofCloven Hoof
Released: 1984 on Neat Records
Location: Wolverhampton, England, UK
Style: Brutally Dark NWOBHM You Had to Hide from Your Parents
Status: Active

Sample: “March of the Damned/The Gates of Gehenna”

~ CLOP CLOP CLOP CLOP CLOP
Cloven hooves clopping along
Get some damn sneakers ~

 

• • • • •

Iron AngelHellish Crossfire
Released: 1985 on Steamhammer Records
Location: Hamburg, Germany
Style: Schneller Metal
Status: Split up
R.I.P. Peter “Piet” Wittke
R.I.P. Sven Strüven

Sample: “Sinner 666”

~ Hot, topless angel
Hero in his underwear
Hellish porno film? ~

 

• • • • •

AcidManiac
Released: 1983 on Megaton Records
Location: Bruges, West Flanders, Belgium
Style: Meth Metal
Status: Split up

Sample: “Lucifera”

~ Let’s get some Acid
Not LSD, you ballbag
The Belgian version ~

 

• • • • •

ProngForce Fed
Released: 1988 on Spigot Records
Location: New York City, New York, USA
Style: Yo Mamma’s So Crossover, She Could Out-skank a Ho from East 11th St
Status: Active

Sample: “Aggravated Condition”

~ Stupidly heavy
Crossover thrash from New York
Fuggedaboutit ~

 

• • • • •

Meliah RageKill to Survive
Released: 1988 on Epic Records
Location: Boston, Massachusetts, USA
Style: Excellent Power/Thrash MetHOLY SHIT WATCH OUT FOR THAT BURNING SKELETAL WAR CHIEF
Status: Active

Sample: “Deadly Existence”

~ The Meliah tribe
Took opium in battle
Did we win? I’m hiiiiiiiigh ~

 

• • • • •

DBCDead Brain Cells
Released: 1987 on Combat Records
Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Style: Brilliant Speed/Thrash/Crossover from Canaduh
Status: Active
R.I.P. Gary Ouellette

Sample: “Monument”

~ Wanna kill brain cells?
Commit to fifty haiku
Brain no work no more ~

 

• • • • •

THANKS FOR READING, SUCKERS!

 

Posted by Captain

Last Rites Co-Owner; Senior Editor; Handsome & Interesting Man; Just get evil all the time.

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