All posts by Captain

Last Rites Co-Owner; Senior Editor; Handsome & Interesting Man; Just get evil all the time.

Profetus – The Sadness Of Time Passing Review

[Artwork by Yuka Yoshihara] More so than any other branch of metal, funeral doom represents a true “sink or swim” moment. People who love it seem wired to do so from the womb for reasons

Mortiferum – Disgorged From Psychotic Depths Review

It’s probably for the best if we address the elephant in the room right away so we can get to the true business of the matter. That’s some butthole. Maybe that sentence should have ended

Insomnium – Heart Like A Grave Review

How difficult it must be to follow a perfect album. Wait, wait… Not that kind of perfect album. Perfection is a pipe dream, and there are no perfect albums. Sorry, Pink Floyd, Rush, Prince, Public

Still Full Of Life: 20 Years Of Opeth’s Still Life

There are devotees of metal out there who don’t respect Opeth, just as I assume there are human beings roaming the planet who don’t care for David Attenborough. The mind boggles at what sort of

Dold Vorde Ens Navn – Gjengangere I Hjertets Mørke Review

“Old dogs don’t have to learn new tricks if the old tricks remain fucking awesome.” ~ World renowned canine trainer and behaviorist, Dr. Morton Van Tinklefritz Listen, I’m allowed to call metal’s seasoned veterans “old

Helvetets Port – From Life To Death Review

Let’s establish something right out of the box here: Helvetets Port is a bit of a strange band. Not strange in a GG Allin “I don’t know where that microphone’s been” kind of way, but

Mirror – Pyramid Of Terror Review

[Album cover artwork by Filip Leu] One thing the Last Rites collective seems particularly adept at in 2019 is allowing good things to fall through the cracks. Okay, that rings pretty true every year, but

Devourment – Obscene Majesty Review

In the timeless words of Glenn T. Seaborg, one of the scientists responsible for discovering plutonium, “Holy shit, that’s heavy.” Hitting play on Obscene Majesty for the first time is akin to what I imagine