All posts by Captain

Last Rites Co-Owner; Senior Editor; Handsome & Interesting Man; Just get evil all the time.

Dold Vorde Ens Navn – Gjengangere I Hjertets Mørke Review

“Old dogs don’t have to learn new tricks if the old tricks remain fucking awesome.” ~ World renowned canine trainer and behaviorist, Dr. Morton Van Tinklefritz Listen, I’m allowed to call metal’s seasoned veterans “old

Helvetets Port – From Life To Death Review

Let’s establish something right out of the box here: Helvetets Port is a bit of a strange band. Not strange in a GG Allin “I don’t know where that microphone’s been” kind of way, but

Mirror – Pyramid Of Terror Review

[Album cover artwork by Filip Leu] One thing the Last Rites collective seems particularly adept at in 2019 is allowing good things to fall through the cracks. Okay, that rings pretty true every year, but

Devourment – Obscene Majesty Review

In the timeless words of Glenn T. Seaborg, one of the scientists responsible for discovering plutonium, “Holy shit, that’s heavy.” Hitting play on Obscene Majesty for the first time is akin to what I imagine

Abbath – Outstrider Review

Assuming some semblance of history with the lead players involved and a genuine desire to see their approach to icy black metal prolonged, which record do you think would win the most attention if you

Metalian – Vortex Review

“Just how many bands do we need that sound like Judas Priest colliding with some other, more obscure NWOBHM group,” asked the old guardian who can’t figure out how to like anything new and the

Freternia – The Gathering Review

More often than not, two things generally come up when conversations turn to Sweden’s greatest influence on heavy metal: Yngwie J. Malmsteen and Swedeath. It’s an understandable consequence—the prior taught us the importance of giant

Organectomy – Existential Disconnect Review

[Album artwork by Pedro Sena / Lordigan] True or false: the town of Brutal Slamsville is mostly intended to be populated by those young enough to be indifferent toward one-a-day vitamins. AKA: leave the hall,