Axel Rudi Pell – Kings And Queens Review

HAILZ\m/! Axel Rudi Pell is abroad, spreading awe and wonder with his axemastery. Joined by his faithful bandmates, who are obviously not worth mentioning or they would also be in the band name, Axel Rudi Pell thrusts heavy metal sorcery in the face of a doomladen wasteland of mediocre brOOtl muzic armed with nothing but a devotion to ancient metal music and a flaming guitar suitable for cockhood!!!!!!!

Yeah. Power metal, wankery, galloping, keyboards, nostalgia….fuck.

Nah, this isn’t metal. It’s classic rock. This is the shit you tune into 103.5 FM to hear. Why you do this I won’t even venture a guess. But you do, so you know how it goes. One part Scorpions circa Love at First Sting, one part Winger, one part all the other bands I grew to hate from that time period.

Positives: The singer is good. He has a little grit, a little power in his throat, but never tries to out Gillan old Ian or out Coverdale old Robert Plant or whatever the fuck these PM singers do. I would tap him if I were assembling a barband. The band has a decent ROCK esthetic happening, actually. I could see them opening up for 38 Special and getting radio time in 1986. Pell delivers some occasionally inspiring riffs. And, despite my hatred for guitar wankers, he does have an occasional Blackmoreish moment that makes me smile.

Negatives: Uninspired rhythm section, godawfull shitty 80’s keyboards, godawful shitty 80’s anthems, godawfuller shittier power ballads.

Bottom Line: Well produced, occasionally fun but mainly godawful shitty not fun. Decent singer fronting just another fucking anachrometal band. There is no point in furthering this band’s career by purchasing their records.

Posted by Chris Sessions

I write for Last Rites, but in my mind it is spelled Lassed Writes because I am a dreamer.

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