Greetings, time travelers. You all tuckered out from all this 80s’ metal nostalgia yet? Of course you are. We all are.
Wait, no… I’m never tired of 80s’ metal. NEVER, I SAY. When others are talking about being hellbjent for djent, or going kookoo for Portal Puffs, I’m still firing through the archives and waggling an extremely versed “back in my day” finger to anyone who mistakenly makes eye-contact. I am a dusty, cranky child of the 80s, and I was lucky enough to grow up in a region that provided a proper avenue stacked to the rafters with amazing metal releases eager to challenge a young lad’s paltry allowance.
With that in mind, imagine my saucer-sized eyes and the ensuing cardiovascular collapse that occurred when the Last Rites staff collectively decided to run another “100 Essential Albums of the…” editorial covering the era that not only brought me into metal’s loving embrace, but a significant portion of the world to boot. So many available bands to consider! And so many albums surely to be left behind. *sadface sadface sadface*
The purpose of this list is really pretty simple: A means to assuage an ailing mind and make me feel a little better about some of my favorite metal from the 1980s being left off our collective list. Democracy be damned, people need to know that [obscure poodle-haired Kraut-thrashers X] might be worthy of investigation.
A couple of things to keep in mind: First, most of these entries likely fall outside of what some would consider essential. However, “perfection” is not paramount to transcendence, my friends. The fact that many of these releases parade about their foibles and scars as proudly as Jared-Syn at an 80s’ Bad Guy Symposium is something I count in favor of them continuing to stand out today.
Second, a sizable portion of what’s about to hit the spotlight was greedily amassed directly on the front-lines during the 80s, predominantly through endless record store attacks and plenty of tape trading. However, some – both selections this week from France, for example – were brought into my loving embrace long after the golden era, thanks mostly to a handful of amazing independent record labels (and distributors) or continue to work their asses off to keep the fires alive. If, by chance, any of the highlighted releases covered in this editorial end up resonating with you, I would encourage a quick trip to themetaldetektor.com to see who might have it available. Throwing a few bones to some worthy labels/distros will help to ensure that releases such as these never end up fully buried by time and dust.
And lastly, I know how much everyone hates to read. All that back-and-forthing of the eyeballs? Who needs it. Well, I’ve got your back. Outside of this possibly tedious intro, the most you’ll have to read for each entry is a poorly cobbled together collection of 5/7/5 haikus. Who loves you, baby? I do, you hideous sons & daughters of Hubbard. I do.
On to round one: The first 10 albums of 50…
• • • • •
Vicious Rumors – Soldiers of the Night
Released: 1985 on Shrapnel Records
Location: Santa Rosa, California, USA
Style: Power Metal with Powerful Hair
Status: Active
Sample: Oddly enough, single song samples have disappeared from youtube, so HERE.
~ If you love solos
This album will pitch your tent
Vinnie Moore boner ~
• • • • •
Blessed Death – Destined for Extinction
Released: 1987 on Roadrunner Records
Location: Old Bridge, New Jersey, USA
Style: Maniacal, Screaming Speed/Thrash Metal with Tucked in Shirts
Status: Split up
Sample: “Pray for Death”
~ Well what do you know
This band ended up extinct
Prophetic album ~
• • • • •
Sortilège – Métamorphose
Released: 1984 on Devil’s Records
Location: Paris, Île-de-France, France
Style: Heavy Metal Super Heros
Status: Split up
Sample: “Cyclops of the Lake”
~ Need another push?
Chuck Schuldiner loved this band
Bang jusqu’à la mort ~
• • • • •
Vulcain – Rock ‘n’ Roll Secours
Released: 1984 on Devil’s Records
Location: Paris, Île-de-France, France
Style: Dirty Frenchies Heavy Metalling Their Asses Off
Status: Active
Sample: “L’Enfer”
~ Le French Motörhead
With a more melodic touch?
Lemmy at it, jack ~
• • • • •
Heathen – Breaking the Silence
Released: 1987 on Combat Records
Location: San Francisco, California, USA
Style: Great Speed/Thrash Metal from a Band that Still Releases Great Speed/Thrash Metal
Status: Active
R.I.P. Mike Jastremski
Sample: “Goblin’s Blade”
~ They broke the silence
Never bothered to fix it
I’m gonna tell mom ~
• • • • •
Wild Dogs – Reign of Terror
Released: 1987 on Enigma Records
Location: Portland, Oregon, USA
Style: Power/Speed Metal that Definitely Let the Dogs Out
Status: Split up
Sample: “Metal Fuel”
~ Unbeknownst to you
My granny bought this for me
Wild grannies reigning ~
• • • • •
Cacophony – Speed Metal Symphony
Released: 1987 on Shrapnel Records
Location: San Francisco, California, USA
Style: Speed/Shred Metal to the 100th Power
Status: Split up
Please watch this movie
Sample: “Where My Fortune Lies”
~ This band looked like Ratt
But shredded like rabid catts
Friedman and Becker!! ~
• • • • •
Attacker – Battle at Helms Deep
Released: 1985 on Metal Blade Records
Location: Weehawken, New Jersey, USA
Style: Pelted Power Metal
Status: Active
R.I.P. Jim Mooney
Sample: “The Hermit”
~ Don’t like that cover?
Multi-sided dice revoked
Go back to Alcest ~
• • • • •
Bulldozer – The Day of Wrath
Released: 1985 on Roadrunner Records
Location: Milan, Lombardy, Italy
Style: Hellish Thrash Metal to Worry Your Parents
Status: Active
Sample: “Insurrection of the Living Damned”
~ You like it dirty?
Filthy bulldozing face-punch
Italy pulls through ~
• • • • •
Cerebus – Too Late to Pray
Released: 1986 on New Renaissance Records
Location: Greensboro, North Carolina, USA
Style: Heavy Metal that Sounds Like Mötley Crüe Burning in Hell
Status: Split up
R.I.P. Timothy Christopher Pennell
Sample: “She Burns”
~ Anthropomorphic
Aardvarks are very metal
Too late to pray, ants ~
• • • • •
Next week: More awesomeness punctuated by my idiocy! Try to get some sleep.
