Originally written by Chris Redar
Finland’s Ranger is bound to get sued by either Id Software or Overkill for that cover art. Fucking flying skulls? Really? Sure, it fits in with the retro vibe of the overall package these thrashers are going for, but it’s still quite possibly the lamest cover these eyes have had the misfortune of running across. And why are the cranium portions so large? It’s entirely possible these were very smart humans before their transformation to sewer-dwelling masters of disembodied levitation, but the smart money is on this being the first draft and this shit had to go to press, lest the band lose their free five back patches with the order.
Where Evil Dwells (spoiler alert- it’s a dark sewer or train tunnel) is a speed metal album, and it’s impossible to take seriously. This, however, might be its greatest asset. The nonsensically inconsistent vocal delivery (think Dave Mustaine, Corporate Death, and Bobcat Goldthwait attempting to hold a conversation) and drop-dead embarrassing lyrics make for a deadly one-two of terrible that somehow cancel each other out. “Defcon 1” tells the tale of some kind of war, or the onset of diarrhea. It’s impossible to tell. Even the more straight-forward titles (“Deadly Feast,” “Storm of Power”) make zero sense once Dimi Pontiac starts seizuring over whatever it is he’s talking about.
If that skull is looking for a fight, it’s barking up the right tree
Riff-wise, this isn’t anything that isn’t already out there. That’s not a condemnation, but originality and Ranger go together like green olives and anything (I should have prefaced that sentence by pointing out that green olives may as well be Satan’s asshole in terms of taste—easily my second-least favorite). It’s all performed quite tightly and with excellent energy, it’s just not quite out of opening-band territory just yet. And about thirty more solos wouldn’t hurt the proceedings.
The album is rather succinct, despite the title track clocking in at ten-plus minutes. Trimming the affair down to seven songs will certainly help the longevity of Where Evil Dwells, but not by a ton. These guys are going to need a little more oomph and a lot more personality to hang with the bigger fish going forward. As it stands, though, this is aight. It’s worth at least a spin if one is of the Sprash™ inclination. Most folks, however, will come down with a mild case of the dulls. Seven thumbs up.
