All posts by Captain

Last Rites Co-Owner; Senior Editor; That was my skull!

Morbific – Squirm Beyond The Mortal Realm Review

[Cover artwork by Chase Slaker (Mortiferum, Caustic Wound)] Hello. You can now buy an LP copy of Severed Survival at Walmart. Is that even shocking at this point? In all honesty, Mental Funeral might be

Diamonds & Rust: 35 Years Of King Diamond’s Abigail

[Cover artwork by Studio Dzyan // Thomas Holm, Torbjörn Jörgenson] July 7, 1777: An individual called Count de LaFey hurls his pregnant wife down a flight of stairs upon discovering the unborn child she carries

Konquest – Time And Tyranny Review

One-person bands in the metal sphere regularly navigate a very challenging landscape. More often than not, this very subject immediately brings to mind black metal and a near endless motorcade of individuals hoping to make

Human Corpse Abuse – Xenoviscerum Review

[Cover artwork by Jose Gabriel Angeles] Take a journey with me, my fellow grizzled riff-gluttons who’d likely rather bong all the world’s remaining Schlitz wounded soldiers in lieu of sacrificing an original Effigy of the

Sonja – Loud Arriver Review

Long, long ago—even before the days when the lonesome warble of AOL’s “You’ve got mail!” swept through the wilds of the heartlands—goths and metal freaks shared an equitable “the enemy of my enemy is my

Mortuous – Upon Desolation Review

[Album artwork by Marald van Haasteren] “Death… The brutal way.” ~ Emily Dickinson Or was that Asphyx. Definitely Asphyx. But it could just as easily have been both. Probably both. Either way, Pow!! Right in

Blind Guardian – The God Machine Review

[Cover artwork by Peter Mohrbacher] Here are three potential reasons you probably don’t need to read a mess of words concerning The God Machine: 1) If you’re already a Blind Guardian fan, you will buy

Phantom Spell – Immortal’s Requiem Review

[Cover artwork courtesy of SeventhBell] The escape element hitched to so much of heavy metal has long been one of its most valuable windfalls. Sure, a fair portion of it manages to trek paths worn