Zoldier Noiz – Regression Process Review

“…Let’s start with the dungeness crab salad with avocado mousse, and I’ll have the Moroccan spiced squab with orange-cumin carrots as my entree, please.”

“Excellent choice. And for you, madam?”

“I’ll have the arugala & romaine salad with Banyuls vinaigrette to start, and the guinea hen breast with sweet potato risotto as my main course.”

“Excellent. And for you, sir?”

“Yes, I’ll take the fennel confit and herb ricotta tart as my appetizer, and the juniper crusted bison with king trumpet mushrooms as my entree.”

“Wonderful. And you, sir?”

“I’ll have three Miller High Lifes – or is that Miller High Lives? – as an appetizer, and I’ll have a foot-long chili-cheese dog for my entree. And would you mind asking the chef to just mix the fries right into the chili? Oh, and I’ll take three more Miller High Lives for dessert. We’re doing dessert, right?”

I’ll freely admit to being happier than a puppy with two peters about the fact that the current state of metal allows a full gamut of lavishness on the overall menu, but sometimes (or oftentimes, in many of our cases) you just want to cram the rudimentary, brutal, unhealthy carbs and hugely hydrogenated oils down your big-fat yapper.

Zoldier Noiz, France’s answer to a heavenly plate of hazardous poutine, delivers 29 minutes of greazy, no-frills Euro-deathrashing murder with their second full-length, Regression Process, thanks to the kindly folks at Unspeakable Axe Records – the fairly new ‘thrash-centric’ companion label of Dark Descent.

The essential rule of thumb here: Ten mostly brief face-rippers that crudely tromp from the speakers like a horny & hammered hog hunting for a libidinous sow. Sound good? Hop in line. And you might consider kicking the folks in front of you square in the bagpipe for first crack if you count the likes of ancient Voivod, Sadistik Exekution and Aura Noir as necessary pieces to life’s puzzle.

As such, each tune follows a guideline that pushes a dirty balance between disheveled galloping and a speedier, turbulent thrashing. Button it all up with a moderate shake of bright, singed leads and loads of gruffly barked commands from chief possessor/guitarist/vocalist Tankyinss and you’ve got yourself a prime candidate for accompanying you and your band of rabblerousers on your next adventure of putting your head through a Motel 6 wall.

It ain’t rocket science, and it laughs in the face of re-inventing the wheel, but as the title suggests, that’s pretty much the point of Regression Process.

Save the amuse-bouches for the amusing douches: Zoldier Noiz is for the modern primitives who like to gobble down the unhealthy.

Posted by Captain

Last Rites Co-Owner; Senior Editor; Handsome & Interesting Man; Just get evil all the time.

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