Originally written by Chris Redar
This is awful. Awful, awful, awful. If that’s all you need to know, dear consumer, then the rest of the day is yours, I guess. Go run a lap or eat a whole goddamn bag of chips or whatever the fuck it is metal fans do these days. The rest of you? Buckle up.
Rise of the Northstar play that knuckle-dragging, fight for no reason, “let’s pretend we’re in a gang”-style of hardcore made popular by such acts as Biohazard, Cro-Mags, Madball, Terror, Hoods, Agnostic Front… The list goes on and on, but it all sucks, and these Parisians are no exception. Welcame is aspiring to get one of its tracks on the Judgment Night soundtrack with the full knowledge that the film is now twenty-one years old. When I first put this on, I tweeted about it sounding like the collaboration between Coal Chamber and Hatebreed that no one was asking for.
That was based on the first track, “What the Fuck” (points for a creative song title were put on the board, though they were later redacted because fuck this album). Little did I know, things were only going to devolve from that point. “Welcame (Furyo State of Mind)” is goddamn straight-up rapping nu-metal. And not even something mildly interesting like (hed)p.e. did on their first couple of LPs (they get a pass based on Jahred Gomez actually being able to spit like a champion early on)—this is just baseline touching of strings on instruments to create the illusion of hearing a song. Aside from a mildly interesting lead (which there is far too little of here and elsewhere), this just ends up being a four and a half minute breakdown.
Insert that last sentence into a description of any track here, adjust the running time, and you’ve got the thesis statement of Welcame. At the risk of sounding too subjective (even though this is a goddamn review from a goddamn critic and that’s the goddamn point, goddamnit), I absolutely abhor music designed to pander to a live audience. “Open this pit up!” “Let’s get this shit moving, y’all!” Shut. The. Fuck. UP. If the music isn’t doing that on its own, then either re-tool it so it does (and this is exactly the kind of band that probably does such a thing), or stop giving a shit. I don’t pay money to be told what to do by some sweatbag with a microphone. You’re supposed to be entertaining ME, motherfucker.
There’s a Pharoahe Monch cover here. If you don’t know who that is, he was one of the most buzzed-about rappers of the late nineties/early aughts who got in trouble for an uncleared sample on “Simon Says,” his biggest hit to date. That’s the song Rise of the Northstar covers. That little tidbit I just gave you is more interesting than the cover, which is why I included it.
This album is too long and it sucks and I hate it. Every other word is “fuck,” there’s only one main riff spread out across eleven songs, it’s only “earnest” in the way that every dumb hardcore album is (the “scene unity” thing can kiss my grits), and there’s no reason for this to exist. Like, King 810 fans might get a thrill out of this, because they clearly like stupid-ass shit, but steer fucking wide on this one, everyone else, even if you have to drive off of the highway and die in a fiery wreck to do so.
Awful, awful, awful.
