Glyph – Honor. Power. Glory. Review.

[Cover artwork by Möch Luthfi / Luth Slaughter Art]

Here is a random drawing of Roargar the Macho Dragon shortly after he listened to Honor. Power. Glory. for the very first time. Following this moment, Roargar went on a rampage and murdered an entire neighborhood of Volarians using a deadly combination of jumping knee drops and crossbody dives.

There are humanoids walking among us that intentionally opt to reject most all forms of escape via fantasy / sci-fi realms. Those individuals will always represent one of our planet’s deepest mysteries to me, as I’m certain I’ve spent an imposing portion of my days preoccupied with the prospect of living in a near infinite amount of alternate realities. Childish? Yeah, maybe. There’s also a Mumm-Ra action figure staring me down as I type these words. Suffice to say, I’ll never be the sort of guy who flogs the bishop to fixed-rate mortgage numbers while CNBC business coverage provides ambient background noise, but that doesn’t mean I’m not an adult or that I’m completely out of touch with reality. Hell, I own a pair of chinos and do the Wordle every day, ffs.

This is relevant only because we need to have a serious discussion about dragons. A “chinos and Oxfords” sort of talk that makes use of a series of impressive bullet points to underscore the following certainties: 1) Dragons are fucking cool, and 2) We do not want dragons on our planet.

I know, I know: Dragon Tales, Spyro, Sean “Draco” Connery and Falcor are all very well intentioned, and flying atop Rhaegal alongside Drogon (and Daenerys… rawr) would sure be a slick feather in a terrifically showy hat. But please, before you go and burn one of three wishes on the immediate existence of Draconus ignis rex, I suggest hanging out on the island of Komodo with a goat strapped to your back, then imagine something ten times larger with wings. Sure, still cool, but LOOK WHAT YOU DID THE WORLD IS NOW BURNING AND GAM GAM IS GETTING EATEN ALIVE.

Need more convincing? Glyph is a band hailing from the planet Volaria, and dragons all but obliterated their world. Like… cities, villages, frozen banana stands, miniature golf resorts, truck washes, women, children, the elderly, scientists, monkey handlers: All assaulted without mercy. See, dragons don’t really get in the habit of pausing their ruinous snacking habits to reflect on things like, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, this is an orphanage. I should skip this out of courtesy and just wipe out the flugelhorn section at the neighboring conservatory.” Dragons are at the tippy-top of the food chain, and they very much enjoy being masters of that particular mountain. Consider the following factual footage of Glyph amidst their struggles:

Robot dragons?? Cylon dragons?? Homechicken, I have no idea, but did you see that mama bear dragon looming at the end of that footage? Tell me you want a piece of that charmer and I’ll remind you that you’re not supposed to eat the entire bag of weed gummies in one sitting. And speaking of charmers, what better way to supplement such a harrowing tale than through the mightily dramatic construct of power metal? Big, explosive, vigorous power that’s intensely serious about relentlessly drilling a heavy hook straaaaiiiight down to the brainstem inside each and every song. Think Glory to the Brave-era HammerFall colliding with Grand Illusion-era Nocturnal Rites, sprinkle in a more modern and thunderous gobbet of Powerwolven drama and you’re hovering right above the X on the map.

I know what you’re thinking: “So, why haven’t we heard of Volaria and their struggles before now?” Well, our space program is still studying water on the flipping moon, Lester Holt is busy beating his head against the desk, and 60 Minutes has been replaced by TikTok’s far less informative 60 Seconds. WE ARE FAILING AS A PEOPLE, PEOPLE. In lieu of this, Earth is being warned about space dragons by four brave men from another galaxy named… Well, Robert, Jeff, Darin and Rob. Somehow I thought they’d have more exotic titles. Anyway, outside of fighting space dragons with magic missiles, protomolecule-powered hammers and their bare fists, the other thing the members of Glyph really seem to understand is melodic heavy metal. And as it happens, that is an excellent way of getting a heartbreaking and courageous narrative such as this across our brainpans. Listen to the opening shot across the bow that is the title track and know that all is not lost in face of widespread devastation.

Vocalist / ship’s captain R.A. Voltaire (Ravenous) boasts the sort of prominent delivery that puts him front and center 90% of the time, and it doesn’t take very long for the opening “Honor, Power, Glory” to show precisely why. His is a potent, barrel-chested style that easily rallies troops, and the crew behind him—keyboardist / chief engineer Jeff Black (Gatekeeper), guitarist / recon officer Rob Steinway (Greyhawk), bassist / head of security Darin Wall (Greyhawk)—take the rather straightforward directive of “get in, get explosive, get out” quite seriously as they hurtle alongside Voltaire with munitions blaring. In short, Honor. Power. Glory spends very little time messing around—no extraneous noodling or redundant interludes to get in the way of the blatant hooks front to back.

That’s not to say this story is lacking in spice or layers, though. For example, being power metal heroes over and above planetary defenders, Glyph understands the perks of the hallowed keyboard (keytar?) / guitar (geetar?) battle, most gloriously represented in the slightly more medieval tread of “March of the Northern Clan.” Also, there are orchestral elements afoot—nothing too ostentatious, but just enough doled out by the chief engineer to crank the dramatics to eleven. And yes, of course a narrative that involves widespread reptilian annihilation and eventual retaliation requires some darker, more introspective moments, like “When the World Was Young,” a moody arena rocker that’s as close to a ballad as you’ll get on the record.

“BISH, WHERE’S THE SPEED, BISH”

Okay, as comfortingly pensive as “When the World Was Young” is, we should probably end this discourse with some pure jet fuel, no? “Defy the Night” is just the sort of song you want cranking between the earflaps when a celestial guardian such as yourself needs some extra octane to power through the breath weapon of some hulking, winged, missile-dicked lizard with a penchant for human flesh. This song is all about nimble speed and BIGLINESS, and that sweet and intensely melodic gallop just after the 2:30 point is oh-so bright and exhilarating enough to lift the Great Wall of China. (P.S. The Great Wall of China weighs 116 billion pounds! Not the easiest thing to lift when spring cleaning.)

In summation…

Remember: 1) Dragons are fucking cool, and 2) We do not want dragons on our planet.

Why? Because THIS is a lie propagated by the DCGO (the Draconic Committee for Galaxywide Occupation) in an effort to convince soft (and delicious) humans across our planet to lower their guard:

And THIS is a genuine reality of what we can expect once one of those beefy, taloned feet manages to kick open a portal into our world:

But, we all know how this works. Some devastatingly handsome blockhead who spends a percentage of nearly every week living his life under his true form as a 9th level paladin named Gideon in the realms of Pathfinder will get wasted and eventually wish dragons into an Earthly reality, and holy moly will I… er, he… ever feel super bad about doing that. In light of this, you will absolutely want to have some sort of emergency prep kit assembled and at the ready, and that gear will be umpteen times more potent with a copy of Honor. Power. Glory tucked into one of the pockets.

“So comes snow after fire, and even dragons have their endings.”

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

Oh! Please tell us, ghost of Billy Mays! (A man who’s likely zooming around in the afterlife trying to avoid having his Dockers smoked to a crisp by sumptuous red dragons.)

If any of the samples or words above resonate with you and you find yourself wondering, “How can I, a mortal Earthling, help the Glyph cause TODAY?” Well, congratulations! You are: 1) A hero, and 2) Encouraged to soar on over to the Glyph indiegogo page to gobble up some pre-release goodies prior to the album’s official release date on March 29th. Per the band: “THIS IS NOT A CROWDFUNDING CAMPAIGN – IT’S A PRE-ORDER! Like any video game, album, or book on your planet, we want to offer our true fans a chance for better prices, exclusive items / perks, and early access to our material in exchange for your faith in us! Plus, people on your planet don’t accept universal credits, so we have to come up with Earth money…”

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/glyph-honor-power-glory#/

 

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WOBBLY FEARS FOR RUSSELL HIMMEL’S LIFE!!!