Rev and Redar – Bazaar 2.0

Originally written by Jordan Campbell

Reverend’s Bazaar was a feature that ran intermittently for years, barely surviving the MetalReview / Last Rites changeover before staggering to its deathbed weeks ago. But instead of giving the popular feature the axe, I’ve decided to revive it with the aid of a cohort: Fellow snarkhole Chris Redar.

From this day forward, the Bazaar is dead. But the spirit lives on: Welcome to Rev and Redar. And with that christening, The Week In Review awaits, spiked with familar hues of red and green.

 • • • • •

BLAKE JUDD

As has been widely reported, Blake Judd (Nachtmystium, Twilight, Hate Meditation) was recently popped for theft. He’s still in the clink as of press time, with his bail set at $25k. (Priors, anyone?) Look: He’s obviously a junkie with some major personal issues to work out, so it’s tough to be too critical from afar. But when you’ve spent the better part of your career glamorizing  your addiction and (allegedly) taking advantage of the people around you, maybe it’s time to stop slamming shit into your arm and act like a fucking adult.

It’s no secret that Blake Judd is a trainwreck. From constant allegations of theft from fans, friends and family to reported drug abuse (and lets not go into his alleged NSBM past), it’s a surprise that he’s just now getting arrested. Forum posts about his shady misdealings with Nachtmystium supporters allege that there are cities he’s no longer welcome in, lest he be force-fed his own teeth. Maybe some hard time would help him clean up and get his shit straight. In the meantime, try not to get swindled by posting his bail, kids.

WHITE WIZZARD

Parts are still falling off Jon Leon’s licensed GTO at a comical rate. Vocalist Joseph Michael is the latest casualty, amid allegations of being too hammered to get onstage and not actually…being related to Ronnie James Dio? (Michael’s counter-claim simply alleges that Leon is a bit of an asshole.) At this point, White Wizzard only make headlines for their oddly-professional devotion to unprofessionalism. Insult to injury: They just got dropped by Earache. Bands don’t walk away from Earache, they escape.

Good news for the two White Wizzard fans out there: Your favorite band is going indie! That’s right, Jon Leon and the rapidly-diminishing bunch are forming…White Wizzard Records? Really? More creative label names have been accidentally spelled out in chunks of vomit after listening to White Wizzard albums. Boys, you’re at the tail-end of one of the most boring trends in recent metal memory. All of this misfortune befalling the mighty WW might be a sign to hang up the denim for good and get actual jobs.

BREAKING: Guitarists Will Wallner and Jake Dreyer have left the band (via Facebook) as of 12:55 pm. and 1:56 p.m. CST, respectively. Rock n’ roll, freaky dudes.

SEPULCHRE

Sepulchre released a promising EP back in 2011, a mean little spikefist of rabid blackness and crust-fucked nihilism. After two years of waiting for more madness, a death sentence arrived. According to a succinct Facebook posting, the band members are moving on other projects. (Even if there was internal bullshit brewing, at least they had the class to keep it clutched to their chests.) This isn’t entirely bad news: Among those other endeavors lurks the hopeful return of long-dormant blackthrashers Megiddo.

I’m glad Rev noticed Sepulchre was calling it quits. I’m also glad he noticed Sepulchre at all. As mourners of this passing rub the patch on their leather sleeve (just purchased in 2012; it was just a baby!), most of the metal world will simply furrow their brow and mutter a barely audible “who?” I’m not saying nobody really cares, but…there’s literally no way to finish that sentence.

SUICIDE SILENCE

Eleven months after their founding vocalist died after drunkenly wrapping his Harley around a lightpole, Suicide Silence have re-emerged with a new singer: All Shall Perish’s Eddie Hermida. It’s shrewd move for both: Suicide Silence’s fans are aging, and the addition of a deathcore statesman in Hermida is intriguing. And, let’s be honest: ASP peaked with The Price of Existence and the underrated Awaken the Dreamers. Cutting ties to ASP in favor of a higher-profile act is good biz for Hermida, but will it produce any tangible results?

Mitch Lucker left behind a daughter—and a mother to that daughter—with one horrible and selfish decision. And yet fans of his work and Suicide Silence as a whole have essentially martyred the man. Putting aside the fact that they’re an atrocious band with some of the worst stereotypes in the deathcore game as staples of their sound, there is no praise or amount of mourning that will give that girl her father back. Fuck these assholes for cashing in on this in any way.

GORGOROTH

Did anyone notice last month’s announcement that Gorgoroth entered the studio? The lack of hype may stem from their free agent status, but also from Pest’s conspicuous absence; the cult fave has been ruthlessly replaced by Triumfall’s Atterigner. Infernus’ followup to 2009’s warmly-received-yet-rarely-re-spun Quantos Possunt… is in danger of falling on deaf ears, much like the overlooked God Seed record from 2012. The Gorgobattle could’ve been a rapturous fracture, but instead, fireworks are alarmingly scarce.

Wouldn’t it be the ultimate slap in the face for Infernus to just start going by Infernus for his future musical endeavors? After all of the hullabaloo over the name Gorgoroth, a real opportunity has presented itself for the sole remaining member to become the ultimate troll.

Make note of this now and save yourself the trouble down the road: This album’s gonna suck, and that’s if we’re lucky.

IHSAHN – “NACL”

Eremita leaned a little too close to Opethian pomp, especially following the aggressively bonkers After. Das Seelenbrechen retains that thread, but unravels it in a more laid-back airspace. “NaCl” is a gentle swoon that folds into a glistening swaddle; a comforting trip that works as an early bridge within the album, but not necessarily as a single. It’s a delightful turn of leave-’em-wanting-more. The prolonged swell of “NaCl” may be unrewarding on it’s face, but delayed gratification is longevity’s most crucial ingredient.

Ihsahn, but not Ihsahn. How else do you describe a man who has based his entire career on turning what you think you know about him upside down with every opportunity? Looking past the god-awful lyrics (and I mean literally; stop with these damn lyric videos, everyone), this is a rock and roll freakshow. Looking away is an option, but not the one most often picked. The seed is planted for a grower here. Here’s to hoping the rest of the album carries the same curious interest.

Posted by Old Guard

The retired elite of LastRites/MetalReview.

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